My job is killing me with all this “mom guilt” I feel when I get home…

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I worked a 12 hour day today. The whole time, I was missing my little man and by the time I got home he was already in bed. Leaving me to blankly stare at the TV screen while Cody nodded off.  After a few hours of me watching TV, Wyatt sleepily stumbled out searching for me. I swooped him up, smelling his neck and embracing his warm little body. Oh, how I miss him. All day, all night I do.

This job is killing me with the mom guilt I feel when I get home. I hate that I am there and I hate that I love it when I am there. Its my “me” time, my free “I don't have to think about caring for him” time. I don't worry about entertaining him, feeding him, I don't have to hear the Mommy mommmy look at this, do that, be here, play with this, can I watch star wars again, the questions, the never ending questions. Oh, god the questions.

But then I get home and I realize right when I walk through the door. That I missed him. A lot. That really the “me” time I get at work is nothing I want. I want the questions, the play time, the moments when he wraps his fingers through my hair and kisses my face while whispering he loves me. I want nothing more then that.

So much that I miss him when I sleep and I now have this bad habit of letting him sleep next to me in my bed because I cant sleep with out him there. I know, that sooner than later he will not be able to do that anymore and that I will have to cut the aprons strings but I cant seem to let that day happen. I just cant, not yet. I miss him too much.

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A Cheap Circus Adventure.

The Circus came to town. By circus I mean the cheap ticket, only 2 elephants, some tigers and those little ponies that go around and around and around in circles circus. There was not one clown. Not one. The acts seemed the exact same as the ones before it, the jugglers couldn't juggle and the tight ropers fell twice.

But all that didn't matter. Because we rode on an elephant, got our faces painted and our dinner consisted of corndogs, kettle corn, soda and a ton of cotton candy.

The kids watched in awe as the tigers jumped through the ring of fire, the circus ladies spun in the air just by their hair. There was motorcycle tricks, dog tricks, balancing acts and a whole lot of juggling.

It was fantastic. I sat next to my parents as we watched my niece and Wyatt watch in excitement. They didn't care that the juggler could barely juggle, that the tight roper fell by accident not on purpose and the clowns were forgotten.

To them, this was the most exciting show that they have ever been too and I hope they’ll remember every second of it.

Especially the elephant ride.

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