Currently. I. Can.Not. Fall. Asleep.

My mind is racing a thousand times a minute while I laid looking up to the ceiling in my nice warm bed with the husband sound asleep besides me and I just cant fall asleep. No matter how hard I wished it, it won't come.

So I get up and try to write as the blank computer screen just stares at me whispering you should be in bed right now. I’m stressed, sick of the winter, wished on lived on a nice warm beach somewhere and hate that my apartment smells of dirty dishes while the Wal-Mart bags from our last random trip still lay on the floor with the stuff yet to be put away.

The thoughts I think come back to my job and the drama that goes a long with it. The thoughts then run through the creative juices I wished I had at this moment. I feel lost in my photography I wish that I would take those spontaneous photo adventures I did this time last year and captured the beauty I wished I saw this year.

I have cabin fever so bad that it is spilling into my mind with an overwhelming sense of depression that I hate that I cant shake it. God, I hate the cold. The dull sky, the brown grass and that stupid snow that wont go away. I hate it.

I want to be on a warm beach somewhere as my feet scrunch against the roughness of the hot sand and my face lifted high against the deep warmth of the sun. I want to hear the seagulls off in the distant as the waves crush against the beach. Oh how I picture it. Me, you and Wyatt building sandcastles together.

We close on a house this week but its not the one we really wanted. Its a fix me upper and we wont be able to get out of this god awful apartment until at least April which makes me sad. I want to paint our walls now in bright colors and hang large pictures. I want to run in our back yard chasing Wyatt as we laugh and fall into green grass. I want to finally get a dog that Wyatt could name something funny like Pupper. I want to build those memories now. Right now, with you. 

I hate this apartment. I hate the clutter. I hate that we don't have a working dishwasher. I hate that we have lived here too long. I hate that its still winter and I miss San Diego.

I have been in such a mood lately not only to you husband but to everyone. I am mad at the world for some unknown reason and I cant snap out of it. I blame the winter.

But today (since its 2 am) I am going to wash the dishes, clean the apartment, finally pay my school loan that's been over due forever and then I am taking the kid out on an adventure. Somewhere different, somewhere fun.

Somewhere to get me out of this cabin fever. I need an escape of the world, from reality. And today I hope I get it.

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Oh my gees you look like a boy now.

It freaks me out.

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A Warm Snowy Day~ is that even possible?

The other day after Wyatt and I made Gingerbread houses I peeked out side and saw the sun shining, the snow glistening and I knew I just had to take Wyatt out for a impromptu photo session.

   

As we walked out side it was so warm and the snow was so bright that it shocked both of us.

We even had to go in the shade to cool off.

        

Wyatt wasn't to happy when I made him climb in the snow to get to this pine tree covered in the stuff. especially when I wanted him to put his back into it.

"Mommy! nooooo... momma! momma no noo." He would say... but I begged and pleaded with him until he finally caved in.

I got a lot of pouty faces and the "I refuse to look at you" faces. but I was fine with those just because his eyes caught the light perfectly each time.

 

I am so jealous of his breathtaking blue eyes... 

 

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Lets Build A House... a gingerbread house together.

Wyatt and I built a Gingerbread house together today. Now I wimped out and used one of those kits you can buy at a store because it is HARD to make the homemade kind. We tried last year at one of the family parties and it was a disaster.

 

and what is funny about this kit is that Cody (the hubs) brought it home last year and it has been sitting on top of my fridge ever since.

Some parts were broken and it was also so old that the frosting really wasn't "frosting" it was thick and so hard to get out of the bag that I had to take it out by hand and roll it up and spread it on with my fingers.

Good thing that we will not be eating it.

    

Hey its the thought that counts right?

plus I think its cute.

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Lovely as a tree

"I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree."
~Joyce Kilmer

 

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Christmas Village

Wyatt and I visited our local Christmas Village in down town Ogden the other day. I went there because I wanted to do the traditional "visit Santa and sit on his lap trip" but the line was huge and I didn't want to wait. so we just looked at the lights. Plus every year they set up  little windows houses filled with different Christmas themes.

    

Now while we were there we ended up running into a man who dressed up as a Santa but had a cowboy Santa hat on instead. Once Wyatt saw him he ran up to him and pulled on his red jacket and kept saying "Santa! Santa!" until the nice man looked at Wyatt and proceeded to play along. I ended up taking a picture but it turned out awful and I refuse to show it. (I need to figure out how to take better pictures at night. I used my cameras flash because I couldn't see them and it turned that picture into a hot mess. ugh...)

         

Wyatt walked the whole way through and enjoyed every minute of it. (well at least until he peed his pants. I need to remember to take him to the potty. oops.)

It was a great time anyway. I think I am going to go back there and stand in that line so I can get that classic picture of Wyatt sitting on Santa's lap. I am determined to have one this year!!

(any tips to take a good picture in awful light? keep in mind I don't have any other lens besides my kit one or any flash beside my on camera one. those things are expensive!)

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