Saturday, January 30, 2010

Oh Snap


             I have discovered that I am mean person. I tend to push your buttons until you explode. I don’t intentionally mean to be MEAN and I know it’s not a good thing, I get that. I do and I understand this but I just can’t seem stop being mean. I have tried and it isn’t working.
 Yesterday was a day that I should of just stop while I was ahead.

 Now I don’t really think when I become mean. I just act, you can asks my sisters all about this. My sister Breanne
tells this story of when we were little how I stole her hair ties and how she finds them in my room apparently and takes them back. Now when I have discovered that she took them back, according to her she knew the moment I knew they were gone.
 She said that she could hear my foot steps as I started to go towards her room banging on the floor. And she shut her door to protect herself because she knew that I was coming for her. She said when I got to her room that I slammed my fist on her door loudly and screamed GIVE ME BACK MY HAIR TIES! And when she wouldn’t open the door I somehow forced my way in and grab them out of her hands and went on with my day leaving her in her room to cry.

Now I don’t remember this. But I know that it must be true because I when I get angry I scream, yell, say very mean and untrue things about you to get what I want or to just to say what I THINK needs to be said. And then when I am done yelling it’s over. I forgot all about it.

 Seriously I won’t remember what we have just fought about because all I needed to do was vent and I will expect you to forget about it too once I am done.

Now Cody hates this. When we get into a fight I am evil say awful things and pick at him until he can’t take it anymore. And then when I have won this fight that I know I started I want to cuddle and to be loved on and pretend that it didn’t happen.

(Cause really I'm just an angel.)

But Cody is the opposite he will be upset for DAYS about this fight and he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me but I won’t let that happen. I expect him to GET OVER IT ALL READY! So then sometimes we get into another fight because he won’t let the other one go and I don’t even remember why I started the first fight in the first place, this could go on for days.

Now yesterday I don’t know really know why I got so upset and I don’t know what I was thinking but I picked a fight. Now according to Cody I was mad that he didn’t want me to heat up some Mac & cheese that he got from his dad.

I really think the real reason why I was so upset was because his mom told me that Wyatt didn’t have lunch yet and it was already 5pm (really people who doesn’t feed a 1 year old LUNCH! OMG!!! ) now I can’t really get that angry at his mom because well she’s his mom and it wasn’t her fault things just came up I guess. So instead I ended up taking it out on Cody which isn't fair to him.

I picked and picked at Cody until he snapped and he slammed his fist into the fridge. Which I thought was very shocking and I knew that I made this happen so of course this made his point and I backed off.

Cody rarely gets this angry and doesn’t do things like this so I know that I crossed a line but in a way it was kind of sexy. It turned me on little to see him actually be that generally upset.
So because of that, today I have come to the decision that I need angry management. I need to do the 10 seconds of breathing or something. Or maybe I will just need to not find it so enjoyable to push people’s buttons and also as Cody says “just to LET IT GO!” So if you know how I could do this please for Cody’s sake let me know.

4 comments:

  1. "but in a way it was kind of sexy."

    LOL! I would probably be scared, but I think it's sexy when Shane scowls in disgust at somebody like he's mentally punching the crap out of them (not at me though!!) lol.

    So lately when I feel like getting ANGRY I just picture someone in my head who is very calm and collected and never needs to use anger for anything. Who is this you ask?

    MICHELLE DUGGAR! Lol 19 Kids and Counting.

    I think of all their house rules to myself, "Use soft voices," "Never raise a hand to hit, never lift a foot to kick" etc haha. (I know it's cheesy).

    If that woman can handle 18+ kids & a hubby without losing her temper I figure I should be able to do that in my life. lol

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  2. Hi! I'm visiting from MBC. Great blog.

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  4. your welcome! I enjoyed yours as well. :D

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