Because this baby hates me.

I have only known that I have been pregnant for 3 weeks. Not only does it feel like I have already been pregnant forever but tonight as I am forced to wonder if  all this morning/all day sickness is in actually in my head. What if I didn't find out that I was pregnant? Would I be this aware of each feeding schedule my body demands before I throw up? Would I hate the taste of all food but chicken? Would I notice all the little twinges that my body makes? Would I actually pee as much as I do?

I never did tell you how I realized I was pregnant. Or maybe I did, I can't remember so I’ll tell you again...

An app told me.

Ha! I know right? I downloaded an ovulation app in December because I figured hey why not maybe this would help me get pregnant since nothing else has.

It had an alarm on it to tell me what days I should be ovulating based on my period since all the marina drama I had it helped me remember when I should have had my period.
Well right before Cody and I went to bed one night the alarm went off and said “your ovulating!” Surprised I told Cody “hey my phone thinks I should be ovulating but I haven't had my period yet. Ha! I bet I am pregnant.” He just rolled his eyes.

But then I did the hurry randomly check the app and then check my phone for when I actually did have my period last month and then I checked my blog because I wrote about it and I sat there thinking Omg I bet I am.Then I thought back to how I haven't been sleeping too well because I have been waking up to pee and then I realized how I noticed smells more… it could be… I might be… oh my gosh am I pregnant?

I took Cody to work the next day and hurried to the store to purchase a test. Now I kept saying in my head “oh no it will be just like the others, where I swore I was and then it says nope bitch you ain't pregnant get over yourself.” But it wasn't. And here I am almost 9 weeks hating every minute of this first trimester and still waiting for my first appointment. (Which is Wednesday thank god) and dreaming that it is twins or maybe hoping it is so then I'd have a reason for all this morning/ all day sickness.

My god I still have 7 months too go! and I am not sure I’ll make it plus I'm pissed that I am complaining because damn, this is exactly what I wanted for months (well years) and all I can think about is how I am up at 5am because I had to pee and now since I am up, you might as well bring on the throw up because this baby hates me.

:::Written early in the morning on my iPhone as I tried hard not to vomit on Cody's sleeping head, jerk:::

Tweet

Note to self: Don't Google while pregnant.

---

---

If you didn't know from my Facebook posts and my Instagrams I have been in some extreme morning/all day sickness and this is the first day that I have actually not been to the point of needed to be by the toilet all day. I so far have yet to throw up. (even though I have had the nausea all day.)

I have tried everything from eating every two hours, to snacking all day, to only eating banana creamys, to drinking a ton of water, to well just allowing my self to just throw up. It is so bad that I have nausea all day long even after I throw up and then when I do, I throw up so hard that I peed my pants.  Yes, I have peed my pants.

And now I am starting to think that it might be because I have 2 kids in there instead of one. I swear with Wyatt I threw up but it wasn't anything like this and I am literally freaking my self out. I have googled “symptoms of twin pregnancy.” and well there is a lot out there to freak the freak out of you.

What if I was prego with twins? I mean that would be cool but also I think I would shiz my self if I was.

What the hell would I do with 2 babies? Cody would most likely leave me (okay he wouldn't but my god he would be in some extreme state of mind.) and I would not be able to work. at least not for a few years… I just don't know. It would be super crazy.

My first doctor appointment is Feb.6 so I have to hang on until then but for now I need to stop Googling because it can be a dangerous tool to pregnant women.

Tweet

Just imagine what Cody is going through.

I don't seem to know how to have sex anymore. This whole IUD removal junk screwed me up. Royally. My sex drive has been non existed for a month now and I get so mad at my self because I desperately want a baby but I cant seem to get in the mood ever.

I have even gone to the length of shaving my legs (which I rarely do. I know gross but get over it cause Cody's use to it by now. ha! sorry husband.) doing my hair, putting lipstick on and wearing skirts in the winter just to try and get my self in the baby making mood. My poor husband tries hard to be with me and I just don't respond and then I cry because I don't. What the hell is wrong with me?

I know you all might be sick of me talking to you about all this IUD stuff and the baby wishes but I just cant get over it all. I need some spice to wake this body of mine up. Cause at this point not having sex will definitely not make me a baby. But its not just that either. I want that connection with my husband. I want all that comes with having sex I just don't know how to get myself out of this mirena crush.

So mommas if you have any tips to build up my sex drive naturally or any advise I am all ears. I am also going to see a doctor but until then I need something to kick me into high gear because this momma is going crazy and I can just imagine what Cody is going through.

Tweet