Saturday, January 1, 2011

I didn't think it was possible.

As I write this I think back to the beginning of 2010. I was certain that I would not be where I am at this moment in my life. I was bitter, sad, depressed, lonely, unloved and down right bummed out.
Cody and I were struggling. We were in a place that we never thought we would get out of. He was not what I thought I wanted and I was not what he thought he wanted and we let each other know that.
Sometimes in a calm matter sometimes not.
We talked for hours, days, weeks about it and about how life would be differently and how we would raise Wyatt.
Then I left.
I sat at my parents with Wyatt looking towards a single motherhood and I just couldn't be okay with it.
I cried. I bawled. I questioned.
Cody and I talked on the phone a lot about what was happening and if it was the right thing.
It wasn't.
We knew it wasn't or at least I did.
I fell in love with this man 6 years ago because he was him. He was that person then, and still is now. Why I thought it was different or not what I wanted made no sense to me.
I wanted him back. But did he want me?
I still wonder that today.
One week to the day I left I came back.
We slowing fell back in love but not the way you see in movies. We yelled at each other, cried, hated each other, hugged each other, loved each other, talk to each other and sometimes we didn't say one word to each other.
Then life changed for us.
It some how became easy.
We became WE again. We laughed. We loved. We did things together again. We were happy.
If you asked me if I would be here together strong with Cody last year. I would have said no.
I am so glad that it didn't happen that way.
I look forward to 2011 in hopes that it will be the year that brings more joy to our family. To Wyatt, To Cody.
Because I love them both with my Whole heart I didn't think that was possible. But I am glad that it is.
SONY DSC                       SONY DSC                        
Happy New Year!
"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make -- not just on your wedding day, but over and over again -- and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife."
Barbara de Angelis

1 comment:

  1. That's so beautiful...thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. I'm truly happy for you that everything worked out well and that you both found happiness/love again; you're worth it! (and I'm so thrilled for sweet Wyatt to have both his parents be happy and be able to communicate so effectively with each other :D)


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