I am so done with winter. Have I said that enough yet? I don’t know if its that or if its the mom guilt I feel but what ever it is I wish it to go away and yet I find my self swallowed up in it.
I have pushed Wyatt away a lot lately and I hate that I tell you that. I don't want to be one of those moms, you know that always complains or whines and says over and over that they never have time for them self's…
Yet I just don't seem to have time for my self though.
I get home from work and I put Wyatt in his room turn on the TV and make a quick TV dinner and think if only I can get a few minutes with out him coming in and bothering me I will finally have peace. But I don’t he comes in and talks and practically begs for my attention and I take those deep breaths to calm my stress down and I reply with just a minute, or the old “uh huh, ya, sure” to what ever it was he was talking about while I stare off to the computer screen or the TV and I tune him out.
I tune him out. I cant believe that I tune him out. Why do I tune him out?
I remember back when the days were simple. When I didn't work that much, when I didn't feel obligated to blog and when I didn't care what was on TV, Facebook or what the drama was at work.
Those were the days. We’d spend them out side in the sun, running, laughing, making up stories and then coming inside destroying the house while we played hide n seek. I long for the times when we’d nap in my big old bed next to each other cuddling the hours away. We use to paint, color and make a ton of cookies. And now I cant even keep my house clean, I have no desire to do anything.
I know, I know you’ve all said it to me so many times. It will be okay, your praying for me etc.… I know. I am not asking you to do that for me today.That’s not what I need.
I need those strong words. I need some one to tell me to stop being selfish, to stop pouting, to grow up and be the adult and make the change I want.
I need some one to kick me in the ass and get me going again because I cant seem to do it.
Tweet
The winter blahs are the worst; you can always come down to Texas and hang out with me--we've got sun and more sun right now! :D
ReplyDeleteComing from a different perspective, and because you asked...I would give anything to have my kids young again. To go back and have a better perspective. To realize moments pass by that you will never get back. That time passes by waaaaay too quickly even tho at the moment...it seems likes it drags. OF course, when I was in those moments, I recognized NONE of this. Only that I was overwhelmed and something had to give...and too often it was my kids. You know...blogging isn't THAT important :) Will keep you in my thoughts...have faith...and go have a tickle war with Wyatt :)
ReplyDeleteKathy