You are quite the surprise.

As I laid there on the table in the doctors office as he scanned my belly to tell me what you were I became nervous. I scanned the screen hoping that he’d say the word I wanted to hear but instead the word “boy” came and my heart dropped not because I was sad that I was getting a boy but the dream of my girl that I swore you were ended.

Chloe Abigail disappeared. Her long bouncy red curls, gone. The dreams of tea parties and ballet classes, gone. The dreams of her getting into my make up, gone. The dreams of talking about boys together, gone. I sat up in shock and forced a smile on my face and turned to look towards your dad and brother who were beyond excited.

They get a boy, they get a brother, someone to wrestle with, go on hikes with, camp with, someone else to called “dude.” To play video games with. They get you. A boy. A brother. A boy.

It took all day to come to the excitement everyone else was at. It took a day to morn the loss of the girl I dreamed. It took a day.

By the time the night fell I was looking into what I would call you. What your name would be. Who you’d become. This boy, another boy. Who are you? Will I call you Jaiden, Tucker or maybe Jameson? Or maybe your a Quentin?

Are you going to be like your brother? Quiet and full of wisdom. Or are you my wild child? Who are you? I feel like I know nothing about you. You are quite the surprise and I am over the moon excited to get to meet you, my little boy. Truly I am.

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