Wednesday, November 2, 2011

… with no hope of escape.

I took all the pictures off my walls today. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I want out of our little apartment I feel like I cant breath. It use to be big, huuuge… more room than I knew what to do with.

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The walls, they had so much promise. they’d capture all the memories we’d share, hide from the fights we had and blush with the secret touches we would exchange.

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But now its small. Every corner is smashed with something, the closets filled with junk and the kitchen table is literally cover with nothing but recyclables.

plus the toys are e v e r y w h e r e.  

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I cleaned today. Not just picked up and move the stuff to another room. I cleaned clean, got on my hands and knees scrubbed the floor clean. I even found the duster. It was well used today.

It didn't seem to help.

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I feel like there is something on my mind but my hands cant seem to type it.

I need some inspiration. Some written inspiration. I want my soul to be turned in and swirled around so I could actually find those words I am looking for.

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I need those words, a lot of words to describe my heart, my mind, my soul today.

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I am overwhelmed but nothings happed yet and today I took it out on my husband when he got home.

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He’s not talking to me right now, wont even look at me.

He doesn't get it but I don’t either.

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I seem to get lost in my head and my brain stirs up the lost emotions I have been pushing aside and I get “this” way.

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My soul is deep. Filled with all the hurt I have hidden in it and he doesn't understand. Never has. Its been one of our problems.

I need support but he doesn't know what kind to give me and I cant seem to explain it correctly.

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My heart stumbles on things I don’t know all of the while I am here stuck in side my head with no hope of escape and no hero to save me.

 

and then, she {snapped}Give me your best shot at Better in BulkPhotoStory Friday

27 comments:

  1. I don't know what's going on, or what to say to help, but I'm here to listen if you need to talk. *HUGS!*
    http://terinaleah27.blogspot.com/

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  2. Wow! Audrey these photos are gorgeous. I am so sorry! Maybe decluttering would help. Throwing away/giving away stuff always makes me feel better. I take stuff out on my hubby too. He doesn't understand me either.... It is so hard. I am here to talk if you need to. 

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  3. Beautiful images.
    I feel for you. I'm going through some stuff at the moment, it is so hard to make other people understand what you are going through when you can't put it into words for yourself. 

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  4. First off take it from someone who has issues getting it out & venting on my poor beloved & children at times. Take time to cry. YES I just said Cry and it turns to screaming then so be it. Then pray and talk out ask out loud for what your heart wouldn't let you ask otherwise. Your pictures are such beautiful expressions. So if you can't let out vocally then say it through your pictures. Know that I will be saying a prayer for you to ease your heart & PLEASE know there is ALWAYS Hope. I know from 1st hand that from the darkest of places w/out even thinking it could be possible if you just have that tiniest of bits Hope will push through & SHINE.. ((HUGS))

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  5. My heart feels what you're going through...you may not be able to express the words you need to, but your creative gift tumbled out with your incredibly beautiful photos. Stunning work, and I hope your turmoil will lessen very soon. Sending good thoughts~~

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  6. I'm sorry you are feeling down. Seriously, you have a unique talent when it comes to photography. Your images are so creative and beautiful.

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  7. Hoping you will find your words and someone to hear them. For now, thank you for letting us hear you through your photos. 

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  8. Tricia @ Bluff Area DailyNov 3, 2011, 8:57:00 AM

    Awesome captures, so creative!!!  =)

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  9. I struggle with inner emotions too and often just wanted someone to be my hero...mainly my husband.  I put way too much pressure on him.  It wasn't fair.  I wouldn't like it if he did the same to me. I learned that sometimes we have to be our own heros.  They are our problems, so we have to deal with them. 

    Keep your chin up and just know that you have a very awesome gift with photography.  Keep at it!

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  10. I hope taking photos is giving you at least one outlet- they are speaking words, each and every one of them. Really sorry what you're experiencing right now, sorry you're feeling emotionally and physically cramped right now in your home, when your partner is not communicating as well , the vibes can be so toxic. This next bit may sound slightly ridiculous and so superficial to what's going on inside you but sometimes I find it helpful moving furniture around and just changing the space.

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  11. Tamar Strauss-BenjaminNov 3, 2011, 4:22:00 PM

    These are stunning! Love the yellow leaves on the trees! Great shots!
    Tamar - goodrandomfun.blogspot.com

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  12. I've been there. In fact, I'm teetering in that same place. I'm so sorry you feel lost.

    It probably doesn't help much, but your pictures are more amazing every time I visit.  

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  13. Your pictures are stunning, go straight to the heart and touches those who look at them (like me). I feel for you, and I wish you all the words you need, to express yourself, to comfort you, to sing you a calming lullaby...

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  14. My heart is aching for you. I hope you find the comfort and strength you need. Your photos are absolutely breathtaking! Each one so lovely.

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  15. These shots are gorgeous. Hope you are doing alright...hang in there!

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  16. My heart aches for you and it's relieved as well; relieved to know that it's not alone in the aching, searching, confusion, hurt. Sending hugs. You're not alone! 
    Moving on to your photos...they're stunning. As always! I know that every time I stop by your blog I'll ooh and ahh at your photos. This time was no different. I honestly can't pick a favorite. They're all wonderful! Thanks for joining us in the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. I hope you'll be back again next week for our brown theme. Have a great weekend.

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  17. Sending a word of support from out here in blog land - I do love your pictures and I want to say "I relate" to your words - sending caring thoughts your way!

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  18. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope you figure out what you need soon. I love these pictures, though especially the third one. It is perfect!

    Marla @ www.blueskiesphotoblog.com

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  19. These are beautiful shots.
    I can understand the feeling of not being able to communicate and being flummoxed by that.
    I hope you are able to sort that out. Best wishes.

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  20. I'm sorry very sorry you are going through stuff like this.  Many hugs.  

    Your photos are stunning. 

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  21. Breathe. Take in deep gulps of air and breathe. Sometimes it is what it is. They (hubbys) don't always have to know what is in your heart, they just have to support you when you need to find what is in there yourself. Hugs! I think you know how amazing these shots are. They are phenomenal. 

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  22. Your words express such pain yet your photos evoke such peace and beauty. So sorry for this place you are in., but like everything in life- it ebbs and flows... I am confident that you will find a happy place soon and your heart will be healed. Thanks for sharing your beautiful images and inspiring me. *hugs*

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  23. Your photos are BEAUTIFUL today. I know how you feel. It's so frustrating when we know we need help but can't find the words to say exactly what it is we need... I've had so many fights with my husband and he'd say "what do you want from me" and I'd say "I don't know!!" it's SO hard. I hope that you're feeling better today and have worked things out with your hubby and I hope that whatever "it" is you find it - some room to breathe, some time to de-clutter your mind, whatever. Lots of love!

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  24. such lovely fall photos

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  25. WOW Audrey! Your photos are amazing!! I assume you, like me use your photography as therapy?? It's my happy place in this crazy world... and I understand the feeling of bening unable to find the words to express your feelings. I do hope you find some peace. I love your blog and your photography!! Thinking of you!!

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