I took all the pictures off my walls today. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I want out of our little apartment I feel like I cant breath. It use to be big, huuuge… more room than I knew what to do with.
The walls, they had so much promise. they’d capture all the memories we’d share, hide from the fights we had and blush with the secret touches we would exchange.
But now its small. Every corner is smashed with something, the closets filled with junk and the kitchen table is literally cover with nothing but recyclables.
plus the toys are e v e r y w h e r e.
I cleaned today. Not just picked up and move the stuff to another room. I cleaned clean, got on my hands and knees scrubbed the floor clean. I even found the duster. It was well used today.
It didn't seem to help.
I feel like there is something on my mind but my hands cant seem to type it.
I need some inspiration. Some written inspiration. I want my soul to be turned in and swirled around so I could actually find those words I am looking for.
I need those words, a lot of words to describe my heart, my mind, my soul today.
I am overwhelmed but nothings happed yet and today I took it out on my husband when he got home.
He’s not talking to me right now, wont even look at me.
He doesn't get it but I don’t either.
I seem to get lost in my head and my brain stirs up the lost emotions I have been pushing aside and I get “this” way.
My soul is deep. Filled with all the hurt I have hidden in it and he doesn't understand. Never has. Its been one of our problems.
I need support but he doesn't know what kind to give me and I cant seem to explain it correctly.
My heart stumbles on things I don’t know all of the while I am here stuck in side my head with no hope of escape and no hero to save me.