I have been having the same argument in my mind for a few weeks now and each day I change my opinion because it all comes back to the way I see myself.
Currently I see myself as a very respectable professional person who enjoys her job (most days) and is succeeding at it. I also see myself as an amazing mother who would do anything for her child and a wife who would love to be there more for my family.
I cant seem to find that balance between the two. When I am at home, I wish that I was at home more and I fill my mind with the possibility of doing just that. I then tend to think about how I could blog more, coupon, make home made meals, clean and have that time to spend teaching my kids. We’d fill the house with craft projects and dance parties.
When I am at work, I think about how much better I could be there. My office fills up with paperwork needing to be organized, problems to be solved, I laugh with my co-workers and have the since of control of being one of the bosses that I couldn’t see me doing anything else at work.
So then it leaves me with the same stupid argument. Where am I needed more? Where is my time suppose to be? At home where I am there 100% dealing with the every day needs of the family. Or am I suppose to be at work bringing in the extra cash to help provide for the time I could have with Wyatt? Am I being selfish because I like my time work?
What is a stay at home mom? Why is that better then a working one? and why cant I figure out what is best? And why does it have to be where I feel like I have to choose?
I then have a conversation with Cody and he tells me to work part time, just weekends and be here during the week. I then think, oh how great an idea that would be!! I could have both. Then, I go to work and sit in my office and think… I couldn’t go back to just a regular associate. Then I feel like shit because I am choosing myself before my family. I am choosing an office over my kid or am I?
I think, I am scared to loose the since of who I am. I am scared to take that step of being home. Being that label of a home maker. I am scared that I would regret it and that I would have to start over professionally.
I am scared that if I step down at work that I am also giving my control away. I would have to rely on Cody more. I would have to give the control to him finically. I am scared that I would be giving up my happiness or am I?
Are you a stay at home mom? A part time working mom? A full time working mom? Why are you? Why is one better than the other? or is it? or how do you deal with the balance between the two? and what do you think I should do?
Tweet
I'm going back to work in 3 weeks & leaving my 4 month old precious baby. I have had the same thoughts for weeks now. I just don't know what is right .
ReplyDeleteI am a work at home mom who sends her kids to daycare. There are days that I feel horrible about it, because I am home all day and I think, why shouldn't my kids be home with me. Then I keep them home for day and am frustrated because I can't seem to find time to do the work I need to do. I am having that same issue of trying to find the right balance. Sure I could re-arrange my work schedule so that I am working when the kids are sleeping, etc, but that means really long long days. I don't know. I love my work AND I love spending the time with my kids. Choices, choices and I don't think there is a wrong or right here...
ReplyDeleteMy kids are all in school now so it isn't as much of an issue but when they were little I always worked part time (from home) and had them in some sort of daycare. I went back and forth over whether I should spend more time with them... or earn more money... and in the end I realized that what my kids needed most was a sane mom. Working part time gave me the variety (and extra money) that I needed to stay sane, and I think I was able to be a better mom when I was with them. I bet you know deep down in your gut what feels right to you, and if it feels right to you it's probably best for your son too. :-)
ReplyDeleteI've done both. And left to be a stay at home mom. Believe it or not, I feel more professional as a stay at home mom. But maybe I'm a work at home mom? Not sure, buy my blog is a great professional outlet for me, still gives me "adult time" & still makes me use my brain like I would have at work. Plus I'm my own boss, make my own hours & decide how much money I want to make/take on.
ReplyDeleteIt's personal for us all. I don't feel like either is better than the other. For me it boiled down to the time I was missing. I looked back on old posts & decided I didn't want to miss out on my time with Collin while he was young/little. It's a scary jump, but for me it's been so very worth it.