Am I choosing an office over my kid?

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I have been having the same argument in my mind for a few weeks now and each day I change my opinion because it all comes back to the way I see myself.

Currently I see myself as a very respectable professional person who enjoys her job (most days) and is succeeding at it. I also see myself as an amazing mother who would do anything for her child and a wife who would love to be there more for my family.

I cant seem to find that balance between the two. When I am at home, I wish that I was at home more and I fill my mind with the possibility of doing just that. I then tend to think about how I could blog more, coupon, make home made meals, clean and have that time to spend teaching my kids. We’d fill the house with craft projects and dance parties.

When I am at work, I think about how much better I could be there. My office fills up with paperwork needing to be organized, problems to be solved, I laugh with my co-workers and have the since of control of being one of the bosses that I couldn’t see me doing anything else at work.

So then it leaves me with the same stupid argument. Where am I needed more? Where is my time suppose to be? At home where I am there 100% dealing with the every day needs of the family. Or am I suppose to be at work bringing in the extra cash to help provide for the time I could have with Wyatt? Am I being selfish because I like my time work?

What is a stay at home mom? Why is that better then a working one? and why cant I figure out what is best? And why does it have to be where I feel like I have to choose?

I then have a conversation with Cody and he tells me to work part time, just weekends and be here during the week. I then think, oh how great an idea that would be!! I could have both. Then, I go to work and sit in my office and think… I couldn’t go back to just a regular associate. Then I feel like shit because I am choosing myself before my family. I am choosing an office over my kid or am I?

I think, I am scared to loose the since of who I am. I am scared to take that step of being home. Being that label of a home maker. I am scared that I would regret it and that I would have to start over professionally.

I am scared that if I step down at work that I am also giving my control away. I would have to rely on Cody more. I would have to give the control to him finically. I am scared that I would be giving up my happiness or am I?

Are you a stay at home mom?  A part time working mom? A full time working mom? Why are you? Why is one better than the other? or is it? or how do you deal with the balance between the two? and what do you think I should do?

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So we’re trying to get pregnant.

About a month or so go and after much convincing I finally got Cody to say yes to the whole “lets have another kid” idea. I did the whole doctor check up, got my Marina out and well we are not pregnant yet and I am freaking out.

I remember last time that when we started it only took less than a few weeks and bam I was pregnant. Now, any weird feeling I get I think that its my body telling me I am pregnant. Do I feel sick in the morning yet? This boob feels weird not the other one does that make me pregnant? When is my period again? etc etc etc… and I know I am just freaking my self out because I want it so bad and I am worried that I wont have another one.

And if that was true were I couldn’t have another kid I don’t know what I would do. I try and talk with Cody about what happens if I cant get pregnant. He just tells me to stop being so paranoid and that to give my body time to get pregnant.

But I feel like it’s a huge possibility. I don’t know why but I am so scared that not matter what I do I wont get pregnant. I don’t want Wyatt to be the only child and I feel like I am a damn good mom and that I should have as many kids as I want and that it should happen when I want it too.

Okay, so I might be paranoid but isn't that normal?

I'm blogging every day for a month… are you?

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My husband has turned into a sports fanatic.

I am current sitting in my living room listening to the Utah Jazz basketball game on the loudest volume ever as my husband is taunting me and acting like a freaking little kid that he is… “ha ha, I'm watching the Jazz game and you cant do anything about it! na na na na boo boo!”

OH, you want to know what I am going to do about it?! DO YOU?! I am going to punch you in your freaking face and then maybe stab you in your eye and than laugh at your stupid eyeless face! Thats what IM GOING TO DO!!!

God, I hate sports okay I don’t “hate” sports but I hate watching sports on TV. I can go to a game and have the best time ever because I get to be in the crowd chanting, taunting and eating as much concision food I can but watching it on TV sucks. Especially the whole screaming at the TV like they are going to hear you. Yeah, that sucks cause its dumb.

Now don’t get me wrong my husband has always watched sports but now he watches it like everyday which is annoying and its not only basketball. Its Soccer, Football, Baseball and some random ones too. Plus friends come over and talk sports and watch sports with the husband and they now even play Xbox sports games. What the hell man. ugh. What the hell.

Oh, and on a side note we just bought REAL Salt Lake Season tickets so that should be fun… I think it’s really just a plot to get me to like sports.

Sigh, We’ll see, we’ll see.

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So I'm a little behind

Yes, I get that it is now November and that I am late to the share your pumpkin patch pictures train… but…

You haven't seen mine yet. Every year we go to the pumpkin patch after Wyatt’s birthday and pick our pumpkin. I love that we started this tradition with my family because it is something I never did as a kid and always wanted too and I hope it turns out to be a thing Wyatt will continue with his family.

What traditions have you guys started because it was something you wish you did as a kid?

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Just in case you didn't know what Wyatt was for Halloween

He was a Pirate and a damn good looking one.

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Well Hello Blog!

Omg, Have you missed me? Are you even still there?  HEEELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO…..?

I know, I know. I have been in this huge blogging funk. Okay, its been more than a funk but I am here to change that. I have ideas, plans and to be honest I am a little scared to get back into it. I feel like this is my first ever post and that it is going out into no where land and I am going to have to work my tush off to get my blog back to the heyday it was and that is scary.

I can say that it is the idea of having no time to write, or I can say that its because my computer is now upstairs and I cant get my fat ass up there but really, I blame instagram and well my laziness.

So to kick my self into gear I am going to take that nablopomo challenge and blog every day in November. OMG, ITS TOTALLY GOING BE LIKE AWESOME! OH MY GOSH! DUH!

So be prepared my friends (if your still there) for some posts. okay well like a lot of posts.

Oh by the way HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Tonight, I am having my bestie and her hubster over with my hubster and we are going to eat chili and then take the kiddos out to trick or treat like how we did in the old days… By going DOOR to DOOR (I so hate those trunk or treats. lame. safe but lame.) So we are excited!

What are you guys doing tonight?

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