let us love.

I have been tied up at work a lot. My time is squished between the hours I need to put in there and the hours I need to put in here at home between not only you but daddy too. I feel the guilt when I am at home and a lot of guilt when I am at work.

But then we have moments.  Those secret, quite moments that sneak in when we’re not looking and we can say  we are happy.

Because son, we are.

I know that life can be hard but it is easy to manage if you just know how to live those moments. I want you to  live up to those moments. I want you to remember all the random dance parties we have in our underwear, the candy we eat instead of breakfast, the trips as we drive until we cant anymore just so we can sing to the songs on the radio.

Remember son the times we  laugh at nothing, the forts we build, the rain puddles we splash in. The secret parks we find, the times we make faces in the mirror until our checks hurt.

Oh please remember when we bake too many cookies to eat only to eat just the frosting, the times we jump off the bed into a blanket trampoline. Son, will you remember all the villains we have capture on the days we dress up as Dr Fluff N’ Stuff and Captain Booger Nose?

Son, please son. Remember the I  love yous we say and those hugs we exchange, the kisses we slop on and the quite times we share where you run your hands through my hair as I sing songs to you so you can slowly drift off to sleep because son, I will always remember those moments. Always.

Each and every one.

Oh son, i love you dearly.

 

monday rewind

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Hello Schwinn.

I ditched work today. Stayed in my pajamas and I didn't even brush my teeth. I needed my son today. I needed to hear his random stories, his laugh and I begged for more hugs and smothered my self in his kisses. Oh, how I needed my son today.

Wyatt’s getting old enough to understand that I go to work. I go to work a lot. Most days he’ll come up to me and ask “is it me and you day today?” and I hate when I say “no bud, I'm sorry.”  The look in his face is unbearable and it hurts my heart each time.

I needed my son today. I needed to see him, feel him. I needed to be wrap up in his messes and caught in his imagination, his vast imagination plus the dance parties we have are just fabulous.

I also told Cody today that I wanted another baby. That I am ready. I want that squishy face and the warm breath nestled on my neck. I want to stretch my heart out to let in more family.

Cody’s not ready and that hurts my heart too. I feel like I am missing out. That it will never come and then it will be to late. I don't want it to be too late.

I want to grow my family, I want to love more. I want to bring another little soul into this world so I can show them how wonderful it can be. I want to teach another one, I want to experience the “firsts” of another one. I want Wyatt to be the big brother he is.

I want… another one.

 

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60’s chick + Spiderman(s) = Awesome.

Yep. We’re awesome.

Plus we trick or treated at night (hence no pictures of it.) knocking on doors. The old fashion way. Which makes us even more awesome then just awesome.

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So we went on an adventure.

On this day we took a drive through the canyon. The music slightly on, the windows down drawing in the brisk fall air. Wyatt and our niece Neriah laughing in the backseat while my little sister and I talked about life.

I grew up with a ton of sisters and we were always close but then I got married, had a kid and we don’t see each other has much as we like. So when I get together with one of them we always have some type of adventure.

My little sister Breanne is one of those rare souls who understands the deep meaning of life and each time we get together I pour out my soul to her and she always knows what to say and how to improve any issues. This day was no different.

I talked about how I felt like my life was moving fast and she talked about I could slow it down. She paid close attention to Wyatt and showed him how the leaves float in the water and how to properly throw rocks in the lake.

She admired the scenery with me and talked about how gorgeous the world could be if we only let it just be that way. We would jump in the car and drive to new location laughing along the way.

We found hidden trails, lakes, bugs and made leaf bouquets. We walked for miles, talked for what seemed like days all the while the morning turned into the afternoon.

As our legs tired from all the hiking we left finding a small cafe to fill our tummy's and reflect on the day.

Not only was this day about having a fall adventure it was more about freshening the bond with my sister and I feel like we did just that.

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