Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What’s A Good Mother anyway?

Once I became a mother I then began to truly notice how other mothers acted with their kids and I have come to the conclusion that now days there are not the many good mothers. Now I am not saying that they don't love there kids what i am saying is that they bad-mothersrefuse to put the hard work into raising there kids correctly. 

I know that I am new to this whole mother thing but I feel like I at least make an effort to put 110% into raising my child correctly.

As a mother we have huge responsibilities to raise our kids correctly. We have to teach them how to be adults and if we don't know how to be one ourselves its going to be that much harder to raise a child to become a functioning adult.

One of the things that I can not stand is mothers who do not discipline or discipline in away that doesn't work. For example I have a sister who has 4 beautiful children and how she disciplines if she does its by yelling DONT DO THAT! STOP THAT! PUT THAT DOWN! SCREAM! SCREAM! SCREAM! Now I bet when the kids were younger they did listen to this screaming and stopped what they were doing for about a few months until they found out that nothing comes behind the screaming and they still can get away with what they want.

Now if we are at a family function she does absolutely nothing. She will wait until one of us discipline her kids for her. She ignores any and all cries well she just plain out ignores them all together this frustrates me more than anything else.

I believe that all she is doing is making them feel like they are not worth any of her time or energy and that when they become older she will regret not putting in the time to make them feel secure about themselves as well as teaching them from right and wrong.

Also the other day I encountered a lady who was worse. I was at cookie cutters (hair cut place for kids) and this lady was horrible. Her kids were running in and out of everywhere pushing Wyatt down and screaming yelling. You name it they were doing it. child_leash_28It was awful and when it came time for them to leave the parents just begged the kids to leave, bribed them and then just finally just gave up and stayed there for another 20 minutes allowing there kids to run a rampage until they finally they had to physically pick up there kids and drag them out side.  Pretty soon she’ll have to put those kids on a leash which I think is ridiculous!

UGH! I will never be like that I refuse!

The other day my mother gave me this book to read ( it is a little on the old side and also the religious side but i still think that its very relevant to today) its called Mission for Mother/Guiding the Child  by G. Hugh Allred.

This book gives you some underlying principles on how to raise healthy mature adults. which I loved to read because even though I felt like I was doing a good job I did find things in this book that I was doing incorrectly.

First I allowed Wyatt to depend on me more than he needed too regardless if he is only 16 months I babied him.may2009 048

As an example when we went out and got Wyatt's hair cut yesterday while we were at the hair studio there was an indoor playground and what I would normally do would be to take Wy by the hand and guide him all the way up the stairs and help him down the slide even though I knew that he could climb those stairs on his own and go down the slide. So after reading the chapter about stimulating independence I decided that I would test it out.

So I told Wy that if he wanted to go on the playground that he could and I would watch him from here because I knew that he could do it on his own. Now he did take AWHILE to go up even the first stair and he also whined the whole time but I kept on saying “I know that you can do it honey!” “Good job your such a big boy!” all though in my heart I was freaking out because I felt so bad. I just wanted to pick him up and tell him that I was there for him but after maybe 20 minutes and 4 stairs later he was at the top and he went down the slide which made him very proud of himself.

I think the reason why I baby him so much in certain things is because I am truly afraid that he will be like his dad with  having the anxiety and also not trying new things that I feel like if I go and do it for him and help him the whole time that he will not be that way. But what this book taught me is the opposite. I am now projected my fears on to him which he feels and he knows that if he doesn't want to do something I will then do it for him which according to this book will make him lean on others and  concomitant feelings that develop worthlessness inadequacy and dissatisfaction with himself and life in general and that is defiantly not what I want him to be like.

Its funny how your fears of how you don't want you child to feel like or be like can make them turn towards that way more. Mother

So what is a good mother? Well  I believe now after reading this book is a good mother is one that can learn for her mistakes and take ownership of them and also someone who would do anything for her kids but with that being said I also believe that the parent should and always be in charge so parents STOP LETTING your kids run the roust and grow a pair!

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