Monday, March 5, 2012

My job is killing me with all this “mom guilt” I feel when I get home…

I worked a 12 hour day today. The whole time, I was missing my little man and by the time I got home he was already in bed. Leaving me to blankly stare at the TV screen while Cody nodded off.  After a few hours of me watching TV, Wyatt sleepily stumbled out searching for me. I swooped him up, smelling his neck and embracing his warm little body. Oh, how I miss him. All day, all night I do.


This job is killing me with the mom guilt I feel when I get home. I hate that I am there and I hate that I love it when I am there. Its my “me” time, my free “I don't have to think about caring for him” time. I don't worry about entertaining him, feeding him, I don't have to hear the Mommy mommmy look at this, do that, be here, play with this, can I watch star wars again, the questions, the never ending questions. Oh, god the questions.


But then I get home and I realize right when I walk through the door. That I missed him. A lot. That really the “me” time I get at work is nothing I want. I want the questions, the play time, the moments when he wraps his fingers through my hair and kisses my face while whispering he loves me. I want nothing more then that.paintingwithneriah

So much that I miss him when I sleep and I now have this bad habit of letting him sleep next to me in my bed because I cant sleep with out him there. I know, that sooner than later he will not be able to do that anymore and that I will have to cut the aprons strings but I cant seem to let that day happen. I just cant, not yet. I miss him too much.

 then, she {snapped}


  1. Aww, reading this brought tears in my eyes. I hope you will be able to decide what you really want to do and to let go of the guilt. Guilt is such a waste of time (haha, look who's talking, I carry my own share of guilt with me, I confess). But still. It is. And you deserve to feel more happy than this. *hug*

  2. Ah, yes...the ever present guilty inner turmoil of working/studying sad you're having to go through it!  Not that it helps, at all, but know that you're not alone <3 

  3. I know exactly how you feel.  Makes it worse when they grab you and beg you not to leave (like mine did this morning).  Sigh.

  4. Oh how I know how you feel. But don't feel guilty  they will know you are doing it for them!!


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