Where work obligations don’t sneak in on the weekends.

I am currently waiting for the laundry to dry so I can get ready for work. Wyatt is currently destroying my clean living room by bringing any toy he can find to just put it on the floor to go grab another one and the baby is currently cooking in my belly.

I am a little bummed that I have to go to work today and not only go but that I have to close. I keep looking out the window wishing I washed all our clothes last night so I could at least have a moment in the sun with Wyatt before I go to work but instead we are stuck in pjs looking out the window at others having fun. 

These are the days that I long to be a stay at home mom where work obligations don’t sneak in on the weekends. Where we could be at a splash pad running through the water or we could be at park sliding down slides or I could be preparing for a BBQ but instead I am still waiting for the laundry to dry so I can slip into my work clothes.

This summer my plan is to do. Just to do. This will be the last summer I have with only Wyatt. The last summer with our family of three. The last summer where Wyatt is the only child.

Our summer to do list:

• Camp in the backyard
• Camp in the mountains
• Tube down the river
• Make smores
• BBQ
• Go on bike rides
• Picnic
• Go to the zoo
• Get a pool for the backyard
• Build a birdhouse
• Visit the farmers market
• Go to an amusement park
• Mini golf
• Bowl
• Sparklers
• Eat a whole watermelon
• Make mud pies
• Look at the stars
• Go to the swimming pool
• Go to the lake
• Feed the ducks
• Roll down a hill
• Go to the drive in movies
• Watch fireworks
• Go to a baseball game
• Go to festivals
• Eat a lot of cotton candy
• Eat a ton of popsicles
• Go to a waterpark
• Get a slip and slide
• Go on a train
• Have a water balloon fight
• Build a fort outside

and hopefully a lot more. What are you guys going to do this summer?

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Oh Hello Summer.

  

Hello summer, you are slowly making your way to us. We’ve spent our days as of late basked in your warmth and allowed the grass to tickle us as we laid to watch the puff clouds you make so graciously for us to gaze at in your bright blue sky.

Oh hello summer, your sunshine is like powdered gold over the grassy hillside where we will beg for ice cream cones, lakes to cool our toes in and craved only barbeque treats.

We ask for fire pits in your cool evenings to help melt sticky marshmallows and clear nights to see nothing but the thousand stars in your deep night sky.

Oh hello summer,  you come to slow and leave to quick but this year, this year we will do nothing but enjoy you.

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I think working moms get a bad rap.

 

Cody and I had a talk last night about the kid in the belly and the boy that we call Wyatt. It started off talking about how weird it is going to be to have another one and how we cant imagine what it will be like, then it drifted off to how nervous it makes us which then led to us talking about me and working again.

While I was pregnant with Wyatt I worked full time had only two weeks off after he was born and then went back to work full time again. I worked full time hours for a few months and then made the choice to go part time because I notice how difficult it was for Cody to care for Wyatt as a new born. In a way I am glad that I stepped into a part time role but also it was more difficult for us then finically. Cody was and still is an excellent provider but you can only do so much with one income.

So for the first year of Wyatt’s life I stayed home during the week and worked the weekends. Cody last night talked about how he is worried that with me working that I will not be here to teach the new kid how I taught Wyatt. Then he said how it makes him upset that now since I am working I don't do the same things I did with Wyatt when he was little and that he is not being taught anything new.

Man, talk about throwing me into some mom guilt. Thanks. I know that I have talked so much on here about working full time and the stress of trying to be a mom, wife and a full time employee and how it can be hard to juggle it and that most days I wished I’d stay home but when Cody said that I become very defensive.

I do a damn good job at raising Wyatt. He is smart, listens really well and is quite funny and just because I am a working mom does not mean that I don't spend time with him. I mean my days are filled with the worry of Wyatt and if he is being fed, bathed, taught, paid attention too. I pick the right people to take care of him when I have to be at work and I demand that they also care about all those things too and that on the days that he needs me more, work is the last thing on my mind.

I turn down vacations alone with friends, I don't go out every weekend and on my days off they are filled with what fun things am I going to do with Wyatt. If I have to go do errands on my days off I don't make Wyatt go to a babysitters I take him with me.

Who says that working mom’s cant raise their children to be amazing adults. What is the difference of me being home 24/7? Maybe the house would be cleaner and I’d cook more meals but really I would expect Wyatt to be just how he is and learning just what he is learning. I aint going to hold his hand around the house and I wouldn't want him around me at every second because my god does he need to learn to be able to entertain him self because people aren't going to do that for him.

I do understand Cody’s fear though. This kid (the baby) is going to have a different start then Wyatt did but don’t all second kids do? I was a fresh mom with Wyatt I bought all new things, had to have the most expensive stuff, I maybe held him to long and picked him up at every cry. I mean what new mother doesn't?

But I get it now, I get what is needed and what isn't. I will be the mother that is needed even if that means that I have to work or who knows maybe I will make that choice to stay home after the kid is born but regardless I think working moms get a bad rap.

Just because we work to help provide a better life for our children doesn't mean that we are any different then the stay at home moms. Because I know when I stayed home I had the same worries that I do now as a working mom. I just get to juggle more.

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I am a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

I just mopped the shit out of my kitchen floor. It made me hot and sweaty and I about wanted to kill my cats. Who thought it was so funny to keep running across the newly mopped areas and making them well, dirty again. I might have thrown them in a fit of rage but I wont admit to anything cause that's animal abuse people and I aint like that.

Can we just talk a second about my animals and how ridiculous they are as of late. My dog literally has peed on my bed in the middle of the night right next to my head and I have rolled in to it only to wake up smelling of piss. This as caused my husband to sleep on the couch (which is the most uncomfortable thing ever) and it leaves me to still sleep next to the highly smelling like cleaning solution bed because we have only one couch and a toddler bed that are taken so I get the piss bed. Yeah, that sucks.

This dog, Kipper has been peeing all over ever since we got him nurtured two weeks ago and instead of thinking “oh there must be something wrong, I should take him to the vet.” I just wanted to kill him. Then my husband who is all knowing said “You should probably call the vet and make an appointment there could be something wrong.” Sceptical, I called and made an appointment for today. I found out that this poor thing has a bladder infection. My god, I am the worse dog parent ever. Thankfully we got meds and he is doing much better so far. So I am hoping for a free night of not sleeping on piss.

My cats on the other hand might need a new home if they keep going back in my kitchen. Seriously.

Wyatt, has been in this scientist kick. Everything lately has been an experiment. Right now he currently has a “experiment” on my desk where he put a ton of different weeds flowers in a cup filled with water and different crumbs of food all mixed together. So its currently growing mould and stinks and I have to keep reminding him that he cant drink it because it “could ruin the experiment.” and really that's just gross. So if you guys have any ideas of some experiments that we could try that would be awesome! I would love to do something that isn't as gross or actually teaches him something besides how mould grows.

The baby is doing good. I did however this morning do a weird burp that turned in to flying throw up that I had to clean up this morning. It was super weird and super gross. The babe well, he is still nameless and I am slowly coming around to the fact that it could actually be a boy like the doctor said but we will see.

I did have a mini melt down this week at work in the management meeting where I freaked out and told them I had only 4 months left and they better be prepared to be with out me. Yeah, I bet I sounded like a freak.

But really guys, I am already panicking about the amount of time I have left before this kid shows up. It seems like it is flying by and I have nothing ready. I swear I wasn't like this with Wyatt. But this kid, well he is just making me a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

Yeah, I am a little nuts. But on the plus side every time I have a freak out moment the husband takes me shopping. So that's awesome.

I will leave you with some old instagram photos of Wyatt and Kipper… because a post isn't as good with out pictures. Oh look how adorable. That's back when I liked my dog. ;)

I hope you all are having a good week end! I actually took photos with my camera that I will be posting soon so look out for them.

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Parenting is hard.

Currently my arms are completely tired and dead asleep after holding my almost 5 year old as I rocked him to sleep tonight for a good hour or so. He had a ruff day. I am unsure why it was so difficult but to him somehow it was.

After having two days off in a row I think it shocks him when I go back to work and stay there for 8+ hours and come home to pick him up from a day of running errands with his grandma who I guess spent a lot of time at the doctors with grandpa today. Not only was his plans for playing with his new basketball gone but grandma also left his new “cuddle bear” that daddy gave him the day before at her house before setting off to the doctors. Which was awful because he talk a lot about how he missed him.

When we finally got home, I was to tired to hear what he had to tell me and I did the pretend your listen and say “oh uh huh, that's cool.” as I tired to watch TMZ and get the gossip of the stars to drown out the boring day at work from my mind. But then I also pawned him off to go with his daddy to Best Buy so they could browse at the movies and TV's and video games which Wyatt is just like me in that department and hates window shopping or any shopping in general.

By the time he got home from that, it was close to 8pm and he hadn't had dinner yet and it was a complete melt down. Tears, and tears poured down his face as he begged me to just cuddle him. Which I of course did and sang him our “Mr Wyatt song” I made up when he was a baby to make him feel better.

We quickly feed him and then went back onto our night as usual. By this time Cody’s friend was over to watch the basketball. So us adults began to talk which left poor Wyatt to sit and listen again not getting the attention he wanted or needed. The “men” went to the “man cave” to watch the game as I went back to my computer to drown out yet again my self from the world and Wyatt sat on my lap as I again listen half way to what he was saying.

And then it was bed time. I hurried Wyatt into a bath that he hasn't taken for a few days and discovered that he had pooped his pants yet again.

Its been a month of this on going battle with him. He poops and then doesn't tell us which then we discover hours later because of the smell when we hug or play with him and then we get upset because we cant understand why he keeps doing it and we talk and talk and talk his ear off about how he is a big boy now and big boys don't poop in their pants. Which just makes him embarrass and he refuses to listen.

When we potty trained Wyatt he basically did it on his own. No reminding him every hour and not many accidents. He even taught him self how to poop on the potty and rarely had an accident. So with him doing this like how he is this month it is becoming stressful to the point that Cody and I even took the Ipad away from him until he learned to poop in the potty again.

Tonight, I learned that I was treating him like a teenager and not the 4 1/2 year old that he is and I learned it the hard way.

Tonight, when I discovered the accident I did the thing we’ve been doing talking to him, scolding him, embarrassing him not because I got joy in it but because I thought this is what would get him to stop. Of course it hasn't been working so finally after talking and talking, talking at him I stopped and finally asked “What can I do to help you not poop in your undies.” and I waited this time for the answer (because I have asked before but never listened before.) I waited with out talking for a few minutes while he cried and tried hard to get what he wanted to say out.

Finally, I held his head in my hands and look at him dead in the eyes and waited again for the answer. Which he gave in a whole heart desperate needed voice. “I need you to help me by not being mad or mean to me.” Shock and pissed at myself for being this way with him I asked how I could help him and him realizing that I was actually listening this time said. “I want to get something for when I do poop on the potty and not get something taken away went I poop in my undies.” “Like what?” I asked and he said this. “A cuddle from you.” insert my broken heart here. Wow, I thought where have I been? Defiantly not here for my kid.

I agreed to not only a cuddle but to a sticker chart that would show him how many times he actually pooped on the potty and a Movie date prize if he gets 20 stickers. (which he chose the amount of stickers to get.)

We left the bath that night both realizing where we stood. Me, the understanding that even though I am a full time working mom, I am also a full time working MOM and I need to start acting like it again. And him, understanding that he does have the ability to help someone realize that he has needs and they need to be heard and that tonight by being honest like he was that he was in fact heard and that he was in fact loved deeply and so needed.

Parenting is hard. Mistakes will be made regardless but they can also be fixed. And fixed with a lot of love.

Tonight as I rocked him, I took the time to actually rock him and took the time to put my self in check. Work is work but mothering is so much more god damn important and I better get my act together and quick because I got another one on the way and he is coming quicker than I can realize.

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But hey, at least the dishes are clean.

Thursday, I had the same day off as the husband and we planned ahead of time that it would be a day of cleaning. A day where the dishes that have been in the sink for over a month actually get washed and the toilets… you do not want to know the look of them. It was a word that is way worse the disgusting.

I was actually excited that we’d get this house back into order and when I woke up Thursday I went straight to the kitchen and put my purple cloves on and dug my hands in the dirty water that has been sitting there soaking the dishes over a month and empty it. The stench, oh the stench people was way out of control. Waaaay out of control. And the layer of mould… gross. G R O S S. Immediately my pregnant self loss control and I threw up on that same mouldy water. Sorry, but I did. You would have too. Hey I still stuck it out and kept going and the dishes well they are clean and I vowed to only use paper dishes from now on.

The husband took care of the toilets and vacuumed. Clean out the cat litter and smashed all of the soda cans. He took out the garbage and dug out my books from the garage so I could actually put them out my empty bookshelves.

And we did all this while Wyatt was at preschool. We then picked Wyatt up and headed to the travel agency to book our Disneyland Vacation for October. A month after I would be having the baby.

Originally it was going to be just Cody and Wyatt going but then the nice lady talked and it made me feel jealous so I convinced Cody that I could go too and that taking a maybe one month old wouldn't be that bad. I could do it! I mean I went back to work full time after 2 weeks after having a C-section with Wyatt and I also hiked for a week in Zion's last summer after I had emergency appendix surgery a week before. I could totally handle a 1 month old in Disney right?

Well as we headed home to go back and clean the rest of the house I choose to take Wyatt to a movie instead and Cody headed into work to close since he is short employees. So as I am typing this I currently have laundry still folded on the floor in the living room and more to fold smashed in a basket in the laundry and still more in the dryer. The dishes are clean but still need to put away so they are sitting on the counter. Wyatt’s toys are all over, some in each room and the books Cody got out for me well they are still in the box and my bookshelves are still empty. So the clean house I envision is still non-existent. But hey at least the dishes are clean.

Oh ps, I am slowly getting around to those who are new here. HIIIIIIIIIIII and HELLLOO!! Thanks for stopping by!!! and can I say I have some great posts coming up… my plans are to talk about raising a sensitive boy and the “brave badge” that helped him talk to people. Also to talk about a pooping issue we have been having. And a chore chart in the works and dare I say I am going to talk about where I am at in the pregnancy and also the fact that the husband refuses to choose a name. And how my work doesn't realize that I am 4 months away from not being in the HR office because of my maternity leave and what that means to them and how you should act doing an interview to actually get the job. So look out cause I will be blogging. I hope you stick around with me.

Okay, now I will leave you with a photo from my actually big girl camera! (wait, I still have it?) Cause no post is good with out pictures.

This is from the Color Festival where my camera decided that it would be a good idea not to work. Poo, so out of the 100+ photos this is the only one I could save that I actually like. I cried, when I got home and found out that really none turned out because of my card reader. But hey at least this one is of Wyatt. So enjoy.

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Hello, and welcome!

Hi I am Audrey, I am a crazy loud fun loving full time working momma who tends to overshare. I will be married 6 years this June to my totally opposite from me husband named Cody. He is super quiet, shy and hates to be around more then 2 people at time and suffers from manic depressant anxiety disorder.

We have a 4 year old little boy named Wyatt who is our whole world. He is like his daddy in the quiet department but I am slowly putting my wild into him. I am currently pregnant with our 2nd child who I just found out is a BOY (which I am still convinced my doctor is wrong and that it really is a girl.)

 

I started this blog in 2008 when I found out I was pregnant with Wyatt but also when I was dealing with issues from the husband (which thank goodness we got through.) This place can be crazy sometimes where I talk about what ever is mind which sometimes doesn't make since. Then this place can become serious where I talk about my deep honest feelings. I tend to be too truthful for some people.

I also love photography. I share tutorials and tips as much as I can but lately I have been instagramming which as left my big girl camera a little dusty. (click the pictures for the tutorials.)

Thanks for stopping by I hope you hang out for a bit. I appreciate all my readers please take a moment and leave me a link to your blog in the comments so I can stop by and say hi and get to know more about you!

You can also find me here… Facebook, twitter, and instagram.

{linking up with the Ultimate Blogger Party}

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Maybe one day it will actually happen.

The other day while Wyatt was in the car with his grandma and dad he threw up his hands and yell “Seriously I need a mommy day. Seriously.” From what I was told he did this a few times through out the day. Which both grandma and dad found funny. Then yesterday while we were out to eat Cody got up from the table and Wyatt looks me in the eyes and states very clearly. “Mom, I just need to spend more time with you.” I then said “well what are we doing right now silly.” “No, mom just me and you. Not daddy. Just you.”

Then it hit me. Here I am battling with the night sickness (yep, that's right mine happens at night now.) that this baby is making me have so by the time I get off work I can barely do anything but lay in my bed and hope I am not running to the bathroom to hurl. And there is Wyatt, who has spent all day either with dad or at one of the grandmas while I was at work. The time we get is not the time he wants.

I struggle with this. Not because I don't want to spend time with him but that on the days I do have off they are either filled with errands or the wishes of wanted sleep. Wyatt is also at the age where playing involves a lot of work and attention which I am lacking right now. But as I sat there in front of him on that table I realized that moments with him will be very few and fair between when he is older. And here I am wasting this time.

Why is it that now days the things that people, me included find important are money related. Jobs and the wanting of things. When did it become that way? I go back to the posts I have written about the wanting to quit my job and be home and do things I love like being with Wyatt and art. I use to draw, write, take photos and it brought me joy. Now I am depending on promotions at work to give me that.

I spend more time there then with the family I have created. I have given up the sweet moments I had with Wyatt in the mornings when we played and build forts, castles and painted our faces and laughed. I have given up the nights when Cody and I would sit in the living room next to each other on the couch with the TV off and actually talk. Talk. Like deep conversations of dreams and wishes and the possibility of the the future.

Now, Cody and I speak more of how we can work more, to get more, to do more, to have the house and everything in it. We talk about what we will spend money on next. We talk about work and the stresses of it and the dirt bags we work for and how the more we move up in the companies we work for the more there are giant dirt bags who don't respect family and the fact that we have them.

I dream of work which turns into nightmares and deadlines I forgot or how I will have to fire this person and who’s life's I am affecting. I then I think about how much satisfaction I get from that. Then I think about how awful I am for feeling satisfied. Because they are slowly turning me into one of those dirt bags who don't respect family and the fact that they have them.

I am good at my job, so good in fact that I received a promotion to become a district HR manager in training which I accepted. But why?

Why do I continue to struggle with the ever ending balance between being a mother, wife, my own person and work life. I wish I was strong enough to walk away from it all and dive head first into my passion of photography and the passion I do have for my family and make it all work.

Others have done it couldn't I too?

This post was intended to talk about how I was going to be there for Wyatt more and spend quality time with him so I am sorry it turned into another rant of being a full time working mom. Maybe one day you will read that I quit my job and I finally took the plunge into my actually dreams. Maybe one day it will actually happen.

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He slowly breathed me in as I did too him.

Last night I got off work pretty late and when I walked in the door I saw Cody in Wyatt’s room holding him while he sobbed uncontrollably. As I hurried in he run over to me and held on to me tight. Rushed, I asked why he was crying he said “Because I missed you mommy because I just missed you.”

My heart melted. I held him and rocked him like I did when he was just a tiny baby. I placed my head onto his and listened as his cries soften and he slowly breathed me in as I did too him. He ended up falling asleep in my arms while I whispered the old lullabies I’d sing to him when he was younger.

All the while, I thought I better not die. I just better not die. A morbid thought, yes but a valid fear I gained yesterday. I saw in the brief moment how it would be like if it was Cody was to run the household and how it would take him hours to calm Wyatt where as for me it would take just brief seconds.

I am needed to much and I just cant afford to ever die. Ever.

Today as I got up and ready for my first appointment with this pregnancy I kept thinking that I will now have to live forever and how will I be able to manage that? How am I always going to be here for two instead of just one. Another valid fear I gained.

I get to the appointment and I get to finally see my baby. That little devil who’s be making me sick. Once the moment came to hear the heart beat all I thought was to make sure Wyatt could hear it so he could be amazed that there is this little teeny tiny baby who I get to give life too.

I get to be a mother yet again. I get to be the protector, the hugger, the kiss giver, the owie go away maker, the story teller, I get to be a mother. Not to just one soul but to two. How amazing is that?

It amazes me how much love can be stretched. How much more can be gained. I am already in love with this tiny heart beating little baby but even more in love with my little Wyatt who will always be the one who made me the mother I am and how excited our we that this little baby gets to benefit from that.

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This kid.

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This kid. Oh my he seriously cracks me up. Cody and I have talked a lot about what is in store for him when the baby gets here. Cody worries that he might not take it so well having another kid come in and take some of his attention away. But I think its going to be the opposite I think he will thrive on being the big brother.

He was the first person I told when I found out. I picked him up from preschool and told him I had a secret to tell him and as we got into the car I told him that I had a baby in my belly. He responded with a huge smile and said “Do you really?!” “Mom, do you really?!” As I replied with a “yep” he then said “I wont change the poopy diapers but I will feed her a bottle when he cries.” Okay, deal” I said.

He even told Brooklyn (his best friend) today that I had a baby in my belly and that meant I was pregnant. I think he will take on his role as the big brother very well. I do however feel like he will take it hard once he realizes that we will be changing his sleeping arrangements. He will be moving to the playroom upstairs and the baby will get his room. So that should be interesting.

If you guys got any tips on how to help the transition into big brotherhood let me know I would love to hear about it.

Thanks!

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Instagram adventures.

Yesterday was #brooklynwyattday we spent most of the day at a new park we found. We searched for monsters and found hidden trails. It was a blast! If you don’t follow me on instagram you should! Every Wednesday I post the photos of Wyatt and Brooklyn and all the adventures we have together. So join us on our adventures! (Brooklyn is Wyatt’s best friend and I babysit him every Wednesday.)

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So I'm a little behind

Yes, I get that it is now November and that I am late to the share your pumpkin patch pictures train… but…

You haven't seen mine yet. Every year we go to the pumpkin patch after Wyatt’s birthday and pick our pumpkin. I love that we started this tradition with my family because it is something I never did as a kid and always wanted too and I hope it turns out to be a thing Wyatt will continue with his family.

What traditions have you guys started because it was something you wish you did as a kid?

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