Sunday, April 25, 2010

My first memory.


First if you haven't yet checked out my TOP 5 section you really should…(or click each picture down below.) it is slowly growing to more then 5 because I seem to be a collector of blogs really its an addiction.

Now my TOP 5 lists blogs that make me feel good and a little jealous of the lives they seem to lead because it comes across more peaceful then mine.

As you have read HERE that is something I long for.

I wish I had it easy or easier then I do now.

Why I have had to lead a life full of hard roads yes ROADS with an S I have yet come across that one road that allows me to keep steady more then a few days is the question I continuously ask my self.

The first memory that I remember having is this…

I was in my moms yellow kitchen watching her start to cook us lunch when she suddenly panicked and rushed around the house screaming for my little sister Janae.

She was 3 I think.

She was not in the house or any where to be found out side either. This then lead to a search party of friends and family running up and down the street screaming her name.

Now I didn't go and search for her why I don't know… I stayed back in the house.

Ss I casually went into her room I heard snickering I looked under her bed and there she was lying between the cluttered toys laughing.

For some unknown reason I didn't immediately tell anyone.I just sat and stared at her.

When I heard my mom open the door I finally said “I found her!” “she's in here!” Of course my mom rushed in and picked her up a squeezed the life out of her as she cried hysterically.

Once she had composed her self she went back into the kitchen to finish cooking us lunch.

But the story doesn't end there.

I end up hiding in the closet waiting for someone to see that I was missing too.

But no one did.

After what felt like hours I come out of hiding and went back into the kitchen where my whole family was sitting down to eat. 

I then proceeded to say

“No body loves me.”

They look up and just stare at me.

That’s all I remember. 

Now as I reflect on this I feel like I felt that way because of how many siblings were competing for my parents attention.

I have 5 sisters and 1 brother we are all pretty close in age so we’d get jealous of what the other one got regardless of what it was.

Don't get me wrong I didn't have a bad childhood it was filled with a lot of happy times regardless of this being the first memory I remember I know that I was loved by my mom but after THIS HAPPENED it become clear to me that my life will be filled with the statement I made on that day…

Does somebody really love me? like PANIC hysterically if something happened to me love me?


I believe that yes now someone does…

If I didn't have him I think I would still question it.



Which Blogs are on your Top 5?

Cause I would love to collect them.

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